tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-52797409465191373152024-03-19T11:32:45.212+02:00Proudly South AfricanMy Blog and JokesKhalied Saliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01162722050150882281noreply@blogger.comBlogger64125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5279740946519137315.post-85303754183095772592011-02-07T14:32:00.002+02:002011-02-07T14:32:14.023+02:00Advanced!!!<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">A doctor from <country-region w:st="on">Israel</country-region> says: "In <country-region w:st="on"><place w:st="on">Israel</place></country-region> our medicine is so advanced, we<br />
cut off a man's testicles, put them into another man and in 6 weeks he's<br />
looking for work."<br />
<br />
The German doctor comments: "That's nothing, in <country-region w:st="on"><place w:st="on">Germany</place></country-region> we take part of<br />
the brain from a person, put it into another person's head and in 4<br />
weeks he's looking for work."<br />
<br />
A Russian doctor says: "That's nothing either. In <country-region w:st="on"><place w:st="on">Russia</place></country-region> we take out<br />
half of the heart from a person, put it into another person's chest and<br />
in 2 weeks he's looking for work."<br />
<br />
The <country-region w:st="on"><place w:st="on">S.A.</place></country-region> doctor answers immediately: "That's nothing my colleagues, you<br />
are way behind us. In <country-region w:st="on"><place w:st="on">South Africa</place></country-region>, about a year ago, we grabbed a<br />
person with no brains, no heart and no balls. We made him President of<br />
<place w:st="on"><country-region w:st="on">South Africa</country-region></place> and now - the entire country is looking for work!!"</span>Khalied Saliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01162722050150882281noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5279740946519137315.post-83614659538789578392011-02-02T15:28:00.000+02:002011-02-02T15:28:28.543+02:00R20<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a R20.00 note. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this R20 note?"<br />
Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this R20 to one of you but first, let me do this. He proceeded to crumple up the R20 note.<br />
He then asked, "Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air.<br />
Well, he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground<br />
and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. Still the hands went into the air.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth R20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE. You are special- Don't EVER forget it.</span></div>Khalied Saliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01162722050150882281noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5279740946519137315.post-35586398319906817632011-01-21T14:03:00.000+02:002011-01-21T14:03:47.506+02:00How To Properly Place New Employees!!!!!!!!<ol style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="1"><li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Put 400 bricks in a closed room.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Put your new employees in the room and close the door.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><b><i><u><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt;">Then analyze the situation:</span></u></i></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">If they are counting the bricks, put them in the <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Accounting<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"> </span></b>Department.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">If they are recounting them, put them in <b>Auditing.</b></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put then in <b>Engineering.</b></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in <b>Planning.</b></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in <b>Operations.</b></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">If they are sleeping, put them in <b>Security.</b></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in Information <b>Technology.</b></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">If they are sitting idle, put them in <b>Human Resources.</b></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">If they say they have tried different combinations, they are looking for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in <b>Sales.</b></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">If they have already left for the day, put them in <b>Marketing.</b></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">If they are staring out of the window, put them in <b>Strategic Planning</b>.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been moved, congratulate them and put them in <b>Top Management</b></span></li>
</ol><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><b><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;">Finally</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial;">, if they have <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: red;">surrounded themselves</span></b> with bricks in such a way that they can <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: red;">neither be seen nor heard from</span></b>, put them in <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: red;">Government</span><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.</span></b></span></div>Khalied Saliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01162722050150882281noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5279740946519137315.post-20209329078375469152011-01-20T13:41:00.002+02:002011-01-20T13:41:28.440+02:00Life Explained!!!!!!<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 12pt;"><span lang="EN-ZA" style="font-size: 14pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-ZA; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."<br />
<br />
The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"</span><span lang="EN-ZA" style="font-family: "Tempus Sans ITC"; font-size: 14pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-ZA;"><br />
<br />
<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">So God agreed......</span></span><span lang="EN-ZA" style="font-size: 14pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-ZA;"><br />
<br />
<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span...”</span><br />
<br />
<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"<br />
<br />
And God agreed......</span><br />
<br />
<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."<br />
<br />
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"<br />
<br />
And God agreed again.......</span><br />
<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br />
On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."<br />
<br />
But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"<br />
<br />
"Okay," said God. "You asked for it."<br />
<br />
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.<br />
<br />
Life has now been explained to you.<br />
<br />
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service.</span></span></div>Khalied Saliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01162722050150882281noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5279740946519137315.post-47546008151382916332011-01-19T16:20:00.002+02:002011-01-19T16:20:34.513+02:00Have A Laugh!!!!<b><i>A man walks into a bar and orders a double, obviously upset.</i></b> <br />
<i><br />
"What's the matter, buddy?" asks the bartender.</i> <br />
<i><br />
"It's a long story. I met this beautiful woman who invited me back home.</i> <br />
<i><br />
We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and were just about to make love when her husband came in the front door.</i> <br />
<i><br />
So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the edge by my fingernails without any clothes on!''</i> <br />
<i><br />
''Gee, that's tough!'' commiserated the bartender.</i> <br />
<i><br />
'Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated. When her</i> <i>husband came into the room, he wanted to have sex with her -- but he had to</i> <i>p!ss first.</i> <br />
<i><br />
And the lazy son of a b!tch p!ssed out the window right onto my head!"</i> <br />
<i><br />
''Yeech! No wonder you're in a lousy mood.</i> <br />
<i><br />
''Yeah, but I haven't told you what really really made me mad. Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished the husband tossed his condom out the window. And where does it land? On my forehead!''</i> <br />
<i><br />
''Damn, that really is a drag!''</i> <br />
<i><br />
''Oh, I'm not finished! See, what really p!ssed me off was when the husband had to take a dump. Turns out that their toilet was broken, so he stuck his<span style="color: #a13f00;"> </span></i><a href="http://mc/compose?to=a@s@s" target="_blank" title="blocked::http://mc/compose?to=a@s@s"><i><span title="blocked::http://mc/compose?to=a@s@s">a@s@s</span></i></a><i><span style="color: #a13f00;"> </span>out of the window and let loose right on my head!''</i> <br />
<i><br />
''That would sure mess up my day."</i> <br />
<i><br />
''Yeah, yeah, yeah, but do you know what REALLY REALLY REALLY</i> <i>p!ssed me off?..............................</i> <br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span> <i><br />
When I looked down and saw that my feet were just THREE inches off the ground!</i>Khalied Saliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01162722050150882281noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5279740946519137315.post-65473907122720924322011-01-19T14:35:00.000+02:002011-01-19T14:35:35.339+02:00Grandma's Boyfriend........<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa's gone to heaven?"<br />
<br />
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."<br />
<br />
Grandma turned on the TV, but the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the back of the TV set hoping to fix the problem.<br />
<br />
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's local church minister. The minister said, "Hello son is your Grandma home?"<br />
<br />
The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom banging her boyfriend!"<br />
<br />
The minister fainted.</span></div>Khalied Saliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01162722050150882281noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5279740946519137315.post-18428173257676553932011-01-10T14:30:00.002+02:002011-01-10T14:30:21.412+02:00Night Classes<div style="margin-bottom: 13pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Vuyo:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"> Dumisani, I've been taking night courses for 5 months now and I have an exam next week.<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Dumisani:</b> Oh!<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Vuyo:</b> For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Dumisani:</b> No<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Vuyo:</b> He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take<br />
Night courses you would know this.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">The next day, the same discussion took place: </b><br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Vuyo:</b> Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Dumisani:</b> No<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Vuyo:</b> He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night<br />
courses,you would know this.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">The next day, once again: </b><br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Vuyo:</b> And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is?<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Dumisani:</b> No<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Vuyo:</b> He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night<br />
courses, you would know this.<br />
<br />
This time, Dumisani got irritated and said: And you do you know who<br />
Is Sipho Magwaza?<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Vuyo:</b> No<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Dumisani:</b> He's the guy sleeping with your wife. If you stop night<br />
courses, you would know this!!</span><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; font-size: 13pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"></span></div>Khalied Saliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01162722050150882281noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5279740946519137315.post-85844661954189530982011-01-06T10:47:00.000+02:002011-01-06T10:47:00.556+02:00Suck It Up!!!!!!!!!!!<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">There were <b><u>probably</u></b> many, many times this year when</span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;"></span><span style="color: blue;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">I <b><u>may</u></b> have...</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="color: black;"><br />
</span></span><span style="color: red; font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">Disturbed You,<br />
Troubled You,<br />
Pestered You,<br />
Irritated You,<br />
Bugged You,</span><span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">Or</span><span style="color: red; font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"> got on your Nerves!!</span><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="color: navy;"><br />
</span><span style="color: blue;">So today, I just wanted to tell you:</span></span><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></span></span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj86TaUI-79bwzPaxghHx9tqaCEPOsFjwzdMkPOjq7dXbh3iv_3pAug_kceUhyphenhyphenkL7idbLdoJt1-CpftHNkx-K3FOQfnZRvX8eUK-U4MlAiQQZxw3BFHRtqc5jlWDGIvBjASafLiMp73ixh/s1600/untitled1.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj86TaUI-79bwzPaxghHx9tqaCEPOsFjwzdMkPOjq7dXbh3iv_3pAug_kceUhyphenhyphenkL7idbLdoJt1-CpftHNkx-K3FOQfnZRvX8eUK-U4MlAiQQZxw3BFHRtqc5jlWDGIvBjASafLiMp73ixh/s320/untitled1.bmp" width="278" /></a></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><strong><span style="color: red; font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 20pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">Suck it up</span><span style="color: #002041; font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 20pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">,</span><span style="color: red; font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 20pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"> Cupcake!!</span></strong></div><div style="text-align: center;"><strong><span style="color: red; font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 20pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"></span></strong><b><span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 16pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">Cause there</span></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><strong><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 16pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><u>AIN'T</u></span><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 16pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"> <u>NO</u> <u>CHANGES</u></span></strong><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 16pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><b><span style="color: blue;">Planned for 2011!!</span></b></span><span style="color: blue;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"></span></span></div></div>Khalied Saliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01162722050150882281noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5279740946519137315.post-18331635438723016862011-01-03T16:00:00.000+02:002011-01-03T16:00:50.523+02:00REMEMBER, IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU REGISTER YOUR SIM CARD FOR RICA!<span style="color: blue;"><strong><u><span style="font-size: x-small;">Operator</span></u></strong></span><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-weight: bold;">: "Thank you for calling Scooter's Pizza. May I have your ..."<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: red;">Customer</span></span></u>: "Halloo, can I order?"<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: blue;"><span style="color: blue;">Operator</span></span></u> : "Can I have your cell number first, Sir?"<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: red;">Customer</span></span></u>: "It's eish ..., hold on .....eh.... 082-266-2566 ..."<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: blue;"><span style="color: blue;">Operator</span></span></u> : "OK... you're .... Mr Sfiso Majola and you're calling from 17<br />
<br />
<street w:st="on"><address w:st="on">Retief Street</address></street> . Your home number is 011 403 2366, your office 011 764<br />
<br />
2302 and your mobile is 082 266 2566. I see you are calling from your<br />
<br />
girlfriend's home. Does your wife know you are there?<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: red;">Customer</span></span></u>: "How did you get all my phone numbers?"<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: blue;"><span style="color: blue;">Operator</span></span></u> : "We are connected to the RICA System Sir."<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: red;">Customer</span></span></u>: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: blue;"><span style="color: blue;">Operator</span></span></u> : "That's not a good idea Sir."<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: red;">Custome</span></span></u><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: red;">r</span></span>: "How come?"<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: blue;"><span style="color: blue;">Operator</span></span></u> : "According to your medical records, you have high blood<br />
<br />
pressure and even higher cholesterol levels, Sir."<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: red;">Customer</span></span></u>: "What?... What do you recommend then?"<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: blue;"><span style="color: blue;">Operator</span></span></u> : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: red;">Customer</span></span></u>: "How do you know for sure?"<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: blue;"><span style="color: blue;">Operator</span></span></u><span style="color: blue;"><span style="color: blue;"> </span></span>: "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from<br />
<br />
the National Library last week Sir."<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: red;">Customer</span></span></u>: "OK I give up .. Give me three family sized ones then, how<br />
<br />
much will that cost?<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: blue;"><span style="color: blue;">Operator</span></span></u> : "That should be enough for yourself and your girlfriend's<br />
<br />
family of 10, Sir. The total is R149.99!<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: red;">Customer</span></span></u>: "Can I pay by credit card?"<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: blue;"><span style="color: blue;">Operator</span></span></u> : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is<br />
<br />
over the limit and you owe your bank R5 720.55 since <span style="color: blue;"><span style="color: blue;"> </span></span>June last year.<br />
<br />
That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan,<br />
<br />
Sir."<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: red;">Customer</span></span></u>: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw<br />
<br />
some cash before your guy arrives."<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: blue;"><span style="color: blue;">Operator</span></span></u> : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your<br />
<br />
daily limit on machine withdrawals today."<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: red;">Customer</span></span></u>: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready.<br />
<br />
How long is it gonna take anyway?"<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: blue;"><span style="color: blue;">Operator</span></span> </u>: "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always<br />
<br />
come and collect it on your Green Double Cab ...."<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: red;">Customer</span></span></u>: "What!"<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: blue;"><span style="color: blue;">Operator</span></span></u> : "According to the details in the system, you own a Nissan<br />
<br />
Double Cab, ... registration number NRB 132 GP ....."<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: red;">Customer</span></span></u>: " Foetsek, man.<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: blue;"><span style="color: blue;">Operator </span></span></u>: "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on the 15th July<br />
<br />
1987? You were convicted for using abusive language to a policeman. I<br />
<br />
need not tell you what happened to you at Kroonstad Prison"<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: red;">Customer</span></span></u>: [Speechless]<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: blue;"><span style="color: blue;">Operator</span></span></u> : "Is there anything else Sir?"<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: red;">Customer</span></span></u>: "Nothing .... by the way ... aren't you giving me those 3<br />
<br />
free bottles of cola as advertised?"<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: blue;"><span style="color: blue;">Operator</span></span></u> : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also<br />
<br />
diabetic ... "<br />
<br />
<u><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: red;">Customer</span></span></u>: "Please cancel the order, my girlfriend will have to cook!</span><strong> </strong><span lang="EN-ZA"></span>Khalied Saliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01162722050150882281noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5279740946519137315.post-81941335480164748162011-01-03T15:52:00.000+02:002011-01-03T15:52:48.334+02:00THE LITTLE BOY<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 12pt;">A little boy wanted to know what it was like to have R1,000. His mother told him to pray to God for it. He prayed for two weeks but nothing turned up. Then he decided perhaps he should write God a letter requesting the R1,000.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 12pt;">When the post office received the letter addressed to God, they opened it and decided to send it to President Zuma. The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy R20. He thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.</span></div> <br />
<div class="WW-BodyText2" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Century Gothic;">The little boy was delighted with the R20 and sat down to write a thank-you letter, which read as follows; "Dear God: Thank you very much for sending me the money. I noticed that you had to send it through the government. As usual, those thieves deducted R980 for tax."</span></span></div>Khalied Saliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01162722050150882281noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5279740946519137315.post-32449621043421984412010-12-28T11:44:00.002+02:002010-12-28T11:44:52.136+02:00What Is Butt Dust???<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 12pt;"><b>What, you ask, is 'Butt dust'?</b> <b>Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!!<br />
<br />
JACK (age 3) <br />
was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.. After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?</b>' <br />
<b><br />
MELANIE (age 5) <br />
asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.'<br />
<br />
STEVEN (age 3) <br />
hugged and kissed his Mom good night... 'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.' <br />
<br />
<state w:st="on"><place w:st="on">BRITTANY</place></state> (age 4) <br />
had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?'<br />
<br />
SUSAN (age 4) <br />
was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.'<br />
<br />
DJ (age 4) <br />
stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'<br />
<br />
<city w:st="on"><place w:st="on">CLINTON</place></city> (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?'<br />
<br />
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'<br />
<br />
TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'<br />
<br />
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man named <place w:st="on">Lot</place> was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.' <br />
Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the flea?'</b><br />
<b><br />
The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget this particular Sunday sermon...'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust...' He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?' <br />
<br />
<br />
Make sure you pass this one on and spread the smiles...</b> </div>Khalied Saliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01162722050150882281noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5279740946519137315.post-56364284202355284772010-12-21T15:28:00.001+02:002010-12-21T15:30:54.669+02:00Pray<strong><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile.</span></strong><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face";"><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">An Elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. </span></strong><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had </span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. </span></strong></span><br />
<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Holding hands they walked back to their old school. </span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk </span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">they'd shared where Andy had carved 'I love you, Sally.' </span></strong></span><br />
<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">On their way back ho me, a bag of money fell out of </span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">an armored car, practically landing at their feet. </span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure </span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">what to do with it, they took it home. </span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">There, she counted the money: </span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">fifty-thousand dollars! </span></strong><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Andy said, 'We've got to give it back.' </span></strong></span> <br />
<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Sally said, 'Finders keepers.' </span></strong></span> <br />
<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic. </span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood </span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">looking for the money and knocked on the door. </span></strong><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">'Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag </span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">that fell out of an armored car yesterday?' </span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"> </span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Sally said, 'No.' </span></strong></span> <br />
<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Andy said, 'She's lying. She hid it up in the attic.' </span></strong></span> <br />
<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Sally said, 'Don't believe him, he's getting senile.' </span></strong><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">The agents turn to Andy and began to question him. </span></strong></span> <br />
<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">One says: 'Tell us the story from the beginning' </span></strong></span></span><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-size: 12pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">Andy said, 'Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . . ..'</span></strong><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br />
<b><br />
</b><strong><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, 'We're outta here.'</span></strong></span>Khalied Saliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01162722050150882281noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5279740946519137315.post-89275238382161091482010-12-21T15:19:00.002+02:002010-12-21T15:19:30.106+02:00Taxi Driver<div style="margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: "Lucida Console"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, 'Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.'<br />
<br />
<b>Passenger:</b> 'Who?'<br />
<br />
<b>Cabbie:</b> 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time.<br />
Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.'<br />
<br />
<b>Passenger:</b> 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'<br />
<br />
<b>Cabbie:</b> 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard<br />
him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.'<br />
<br />
<b>Passenger:</b> 'Sounds like he was something really special.<br />
<br />
<b>Cabbie:</b> 'There's more... He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right'<br />
<br />
<b>Passenger:</b> 'Wow, some guy then.'<br />
<br />
<b>Cabbie:</b> 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.'<br />
<br />
<b>Passenger:</b> 'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?'<br />
<br />
<b>Cabbie:</b> 'Well, I never actually met Frank, he died.</span></div><h3 style="margin: auto 0cm;"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Lucida Console"; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">I married his widow.</span></h3>Khalied Saliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01162722050150882281noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5279740946519137315.post-35777473706885130502010-12-21T12:39:00.000+02:002010-12-21T12:39:27.399+02:00The End Of 2010.....<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">Where did the year go? Suddenly it is December......again - and we realize that 2010 is </span><b><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"> <span style="color: red;">kapoet </span></span></b><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="color: red;">!</span> </span><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"> </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit4oxW5uWlPg6cNjdAA2ZHKpFWRtPaI8A5oT3q-SRZEsp1j8mG22H6_TI7_-D9FXKlF-XjkRkcgKBfahMdlCFhAYlG3ZUZ_wh1Bg3DYeFz53Nrp5U-OdNam3PO7zdOEuO1gX_Nan1QBtTD/s1600/untitled.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit4oxW5uWlPg6cNjdAA2ZHKpFWRtPaI8A5oT3q-SRZEsp1j8mG22H6_TI7_-D9FXKlF-XjkRkcgKBfahMdlCFhAYlG3ZUZ_wh1Bg3DYeFz53Nrp5U-OdNam3PO7zdOEuO1gX_Nan1QBtTD/s200/untitled.bmp" width="154" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIs0h_K25z3AMnPD1Z5WeXG7pkzdqyr-XgOHRV5cFtw3skQTVBqLxTkasi7AxNru2gDMCLqTn931TnL-jso86hpKaBQHhqVzUjwsMlD4Jx0LjyKPJ6mRqBjRBYlAZG1n8gey7w7SzUK6Oh/s1600/untitled2.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIs0h_K25z3AMnPD1Z5WeXG7pkzdqyr-XgOHRV5cFtw3skQTVBqLxTkasi7AxNru2gDMCLqTn931TnL-jso86hpKaBQHhqVzUjwsMlD4Jx0LjyKPJ6mRqBjRBYlAZG1n8gey7w7SzUK6Oh/s200/untitled2.bmp" width="153" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHTgeECDqJhz2PoEwfQzSsS_90c99zCfGK6xbClzbR31ReQ62iPlYRzIGjgeEUoUnob7Ooo73ZAlHgkeIFfYFEN7nr2FXE-IHs9WcW_jAaDp8G3dXEGfykRFIhNdIp94cT0m_yf3Y3Hytm/s1600/untitled1.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHTgeECDqJhz2PoEwfQzSsS_90c99zCfGK6xbClzbR31ReQ62iPlYRzIGjgeEUoUnob7Ooo73ZAlHgkeIFfYFEN7nr2FXE-IHs9WcW_jAaDp8G3dXEGfykRFIhNdIp94cT0m_yf3Y3Hytm/s200/untitled1.bmp" width="154" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: left;"></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">A big "</span><b><span style="font-family: Tahoma;"> <span style="color: blue;">moewiese thanks</span> </span></b></span><span><span style="font-family: inherit;">" to each and everyone of you, for the huge impact you had on my life this year. Especially for all the love, support and encouragement during the difficult times I experienced this year.......without you, I'm sure that 2010 would have been even more difficult<strong> </strong></span><span style="background-color: white; color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">(and without any smiles and encouraging emails)</span></strong></span><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;"> </span><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">From my side I wish you all a </span><b><span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="color: lime;">fabulous</span></span></b><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"><span style="color: lime;"> </span>Festive Season filled with Loving Wishes and Beautiful Thoughts. </span></span><span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">May 2011 mark the beginning of a Tidal Wave of Love, happiness</span><b><span style="font-family: Tahoma;"> </span></b><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">and Bright Future </span><span style="color: orange;"><b><span style="font-family: Tahoma;">(hard werk en hard speel!!!)</span></b><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">. </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">To those who need friends, may you meet </span><b><span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="color: magenta;">more</span> </span></b><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">lovely people like <span style="color: #274e13;"><b>me</b> </span></span><span style="color: #274e13;"><b><span style="font-family: Tahoma;">!!! he he</span></b></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK5d2mZqaXDdlXfSbhVNNDnQrnAHch3Mkkmsbtq_rxi2oUMg8X1UrETXyuGjFL0wru8scDNMKf2hcdNyP-Ljxg4QdkHFA082MVoLb2FWqIpAwm0i8XGmb6HepSgw4eYrEtYvRBOgMaeKpy/s1600/untitled3.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK5d2mZqaXDdlXfSbhVNNDnQrnAHch3Mkkmsbtq_rxi2oUMg8X1UrETXyuGjFL0wru8scDNMKf2hcdNyP-Ljxg4QdkHFA082MVoLb2FWqIpAwm0i8XGmb6HepSgw4eYrEtYvRBOgMaeKpy/s200/untitled3.bmp" width="154" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUn5bZbIB1-VO7q2zZ6AWeae7Df0844mKtK21kHZrb3Rt4ti37kw-lHKYmU2BY7Rojruz9pxb7pgKpOzB4alDRc6dWCahKLH2c6vTuvjUiCrMhFmnupixYT28rEV_w5a9xvgFv0Znwrq7F/s1600/untitled5.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUn5bZbIB1-VO7q2zZ6AWeae7Df0844mKtK21kHZrb3Rt4ti37kw-lHKYmU2BY7Rojruz9pxb7pgKpOzB4alDRc6dWCahKLH2c6vTuvjUiCrMhFmnupixYT28rEV_w5a9xvgFv0Znwrq7F/s200/untitled5.bmp" width="154" /></a> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLe-2n2BcIM-x7DTkM-eyeLBvNeYVEaoRQZ0GJ32swCCnYPO03Q3aiBufhX_zZAKB4p0artUYUyd-jsLQk-9LxeTE0lrieWrPlYt3OyJjSe0QGj5bpedHHjmj0GmKy7KNvht2gGR75irOS/s1600/untitled4.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLe-2n2BcIM-x7DTkM-eyeLBvNeYVEaoRQZ0GJ32swCCnYPO03Q3aiBufhX_zZAKB4p0artUYUyd-jsLQk-9LxeTE0lrieWrPlYt3OyJjSe0QGj5bpedHHjmj0GmKy7KNvht2gGR75irOS/s200/untitled4.bmp" width="154" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZ87RzeabZrM7ckUdXo9dbMBa55wJA5Ve8Ks-ZXJFxlDOy6Z7RbvCjnRJIyg9g_lkz_0chSlcRt6NO_AUgxric-NZxfu9z54gENTRB9t90CLFC2Q3dg5rFas71c480Pn0OGTT2YC43uUBY/s1600/untitled6.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZ87RzeabZrM7ckUdXo9dbMBa55wJA5Ve8Ks-ZXJFxlDOy6Z7RbvCjnRJIyg9g_lkz_0chSlcRt6NO_AUgxric-NZxfu9z54gENTRB9t90CLFC2Q3dg5rFas71c480Pn0OGTT2YC43uUBY/s200/untitled6.bmp" width="154" /></a></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div>Khalied Saliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01162722050150882281noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5279740946519137315.post-76679482498262824122010-12-20T09:11:00.000+02:002010-12-20T09:11:26.125+02:00Bragging about Kids................<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party after several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. <br />
<br />
Those who remained talked about their kids. <br />
<br />
The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel.<br />
He studied Economics <br />
and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.' <br />
<br />
The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline and then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best <br />
friend a brand new jet for his birthday.' <br />
<br />
The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his<br />
birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.' <br />
<br />
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations <br />
for?'</span> <br />
<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br />
One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ..What about your son?' <br />
<br />
The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.' <br />
<br />
The three friends said: 'What a shame... what a disappointment.' <br />
<br />
The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. <br />
And he hasn't done too badly either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and <br />
a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'</span></div>Khalied Saliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01162722050150882281noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5279740946519137315.post-50692734156790627982010-12-17T11:07:00.002+02:002010-12-17T11:07:14.551+02:00Hospitals 101<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Elephant; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">A WOMAN, CALLING A <place w:st="on"><placename w:st="on">LOCAL</placename> <placetype w:st="on">HOSPITAL</placetype></place>, <br />
SAID, "HELLO, I'D LIKE TO TALK TO THE PERSON WHO GIVES THE INFORMATION REGARDING YOUR PATIENTS.<br />
I'D LIKE TO FIND OUT IF THE PATIENT IS GETTING BETTER, DOING AS EXPECTED OR IS GETTING WORSE."<br />
THE VOICE ON THE OTHER END OF THE LINE SAID, <br />
"WHAT IS THE PATIENTS NAME AND ROOM NUMBER?" <br />
SHE SAID, "SARA FINKLE, IN ROOM 302."<br />
"I WILL CONNECT YOU WITH THE NURSING STATION."<br />
"3-A NURSING STATION. HOW CAN I HELP YOU?"<br />
"I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW THE CONDITION OF SARA FINKLE IN ROOM 302."<br />
"JUST A MOMENT. LET ME LOOK AT HER RECORDS.<br />
OH YES, MRS. FINKLE IS DOING VERY WELL. IN FACT SHE'S HAD TWO FULL MEALS, <br />
HER BLOOD PRESSURE IS FINE <br />
AND HER BLOOD WORK JUST CAME <city w:st="on">BACK</city> <state w:st="on">AS</state> <city w:st="on"><place w:st="on">NORMAL</place></city>. SHE'S GOING TO BE TAKEN OFF THE HEART MONITOR IN A COUPLE OF HOURS AND IF SHE CONTINUES THIS IMPROVEMENT. DR. COHEN IS GOING TO SEND HER HOME TUESDAY AT TWELVE O' CLOCK."</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Elephant; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">THE WOMAN SAID," THANK GOD! <br />
THAT'S WONDERFUL" <br />
OH! THAT'S FANTASTIC. <br />
THAT'S WONDERFUL NEWS! "<br />
THE NURSE SAID," FROM YOUR ENTHUSIASM, I TAKE IT YOU MUST BE A CLOSE FAMILY MEMBER OR A VERY CLOSE FRIEND!"<br />
"NOT EXACTLY, I AM SARAH FINKEL IN ROOM 302!<br />
AND NOBODY HERE TELLS ME ANYTHING!"</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div>Khalied Saliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01162722050150882281noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5279740946519137315.post-88598905264153286482010-12-17T07:41:00.000+02:002010-12-17T07:41:25.808+02:00Letter From Grandma<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">I got a letter from Grandma the other day. She writes... </span></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore<br />
and saw a "Honk If You Love Jesus " bumper sticker.<br />
I was feeling particularly sassy that day<br />
because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance,<br />
followed by a thunderous prayer meeting;<br />
so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.</span></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Boy, I'm glad I did!<br />
What an uplifting experience that followed!</span></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection<br />
just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is...</span></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">And I didn't notice that the light had changed.<br />
It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus<br />
because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed!</span></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">I found that LOTS of people love Jesus!<br />
Why, while I was sitting there,<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></span></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">The guy behind me started honking like crazy,<br />
and then he leaned out of his window and screamed,<br />
"For the love of GOD! GO! GO! JESUS CHRIST, GO!"</span></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!<br />
Everyone started honking!<br />
I just leaned out of my window<br />
and started waving and smiling at all these loving people.<br />
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!</span></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">There must have been a man from <state w:st="on"><place w:st="on">Florida</place></state> back there<br />
because I heard him yelling something about a<br />
"sunny beach"...<br />
I saw another guy waving in a funny way<br />
with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.<br />
When I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat<br />
what that meant, he said that it was probably<br />
a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.<br />
Well, I've never met anyone from <state w:st="on"><place w:st="on">Hawaii</place></state>;<br />
so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back.<br />
My grandson burst out laughing...<br />
why even he was enjoying this religious experience!</span></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">A couple of the people were so caught up<br />
in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars<br />
and started walking towards me.<br />
I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended,<br />
but this is when I noticed the light had changed.<br />
So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers, grinning,<br />
and drove on through the intersection.<br />
I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection<br />
before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad<br />
that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared;<br />
so I slowed the car down, leaned out the window<br />
and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign<br />
one last time as I drove away.</span></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!</span></i></div>Khalied Saliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01162722050150882281noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5279740946519137315.post-86757294465642032652010-12-14T07:35:00.000+02:002010-12-14T07:35:33.747+02:00Smile<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Always try to help a friend in need </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Believe in yourself</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Study hard</span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Give lots of kisses</span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Laugh often</span> <span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br />
</span><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Don't be overly concerned with your weight, it's just a number</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Always try to see the glass half full</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Meet new people, even if they look different to you</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Remain calm, even when it seems hopeless</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Take lots of naps. . .</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Be weird whenever you have the chance</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Love your friends, no matter who they are</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Don't waste food</span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">RELAX</span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Take an occasional risk</span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Try to have a little fun each day.<br />
...it's important</span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Share a joke with friends</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Fall in love with someone. . .</span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">...and say 'I love you' often</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Express yourself creatively</span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Be conscious of your appearance</span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">lways be up for surprises</span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Love someone with all of your heart</span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Share with friends</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Watch your step</span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">It will get better</span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">There is always someone who loves you more than you know</span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Exercise to keep fit</span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Live up to your name</span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Seize the Moment</span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Hold on to good friends; they are few and far between</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Century Gothic";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Indulge in the things you truly love</span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Cherish every Sunday</span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">At the end of the day.... PRAY</span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"><br />
</span><span style="font-size: 20pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">......... And close your eyes</span> <span style="font-size: 18pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br />
</span><span style="font-size: 14pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">And smile at least once a day!</span></div>Khalied Saliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01162722050150882281noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5279740946519137315.post-6398158442435829592010-12-13T16:59:00.000+02:002010-12-13T16:59:06.623+02:00True Friends<div class="default" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">"True" Friendship </span></div><div class="default" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">None of that Sissy Crap</span></div><div class="default" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="default" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, But never actually come close to reality?</span></div><div class="default" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="default" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. </span></div><div class="default" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card- Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.</span></div><div class="default" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="default" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the fu*king bastard who made you sad. </span></div><div class="default" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you. </span></div><div class="default" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">When you smile -- I will know you got laid. </span></div><div class="default" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">When you are scared -- I will take the piss out of you about it, every chance I get. </span></div><div class="default" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whinging. </span></div><div class="default" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">When you are confused -- I will use little words. </span></div><div class="default" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">7.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">When you are sick -- Stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.</span></div><div class="default" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">8.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass. </span></div><div class="default" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">9.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend". </span></div><div class="default" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="default" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.</span></div>Khalied Saliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01162722050150882281noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5279740946519137315.post-20772843837358384272010-12-10T16:45:00.002+02:002010-12-10T16:45:59.895+02:00NO' S@X BEFORE MARRIAGE<div class="MsoNormal"><b><span lang="EN-ZA" style="color: #00b050; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 18pt;">THE "NO S@X BEFORE MARRIAGE" BRIGADE HAS A</span></b><b><span lang="EN-ZA" style="color: #00b050; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;"> </span></b><b><span lang="EN-ZA" style="color: #00b050; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 18pt;">LOT TO ANSWER TO SIPHO!!!</span></b><span lang="EN-ZA" style="font-family: "Tahoma", "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
<b><span style="color: blue;"> </span></b> <br />
<br />
<b>Sipho gets married and on his wedding night he calls his Father for some tips on what to do, since he has never been with a woman before.</b> <br />
<b>"So what do I do first?"</b> <br />
<br />
<b>His father: "Take her clothes off and lay her on the bed." 5 minutes later Sipho's on the phone again. "She's naked and in bed, what do I do now?"</b> <br />
<b>His father can't believe what he is hearing, "Take your damn clothes off and get into bed with her."</b> <br />
<br />
<b>After another 5 minutes poor Sipho is on the phone again. "Dad, I'm naked and in bed with her, what do I do now?" His dad's patience is now running thin so he says, "Sh$t son, do I have to spell everything out for you?</b> <br />
<br />
<b>Just put the hardest thing on your body where she pees. Good night!!!"</b> <br />
<b>Just when the old man starts snoring, His son is on the phone once again.</b> <br />
<br />
</span><b><span lang="EN-ZA" style="color: green; font-family: "Bookman Old Style", "serif"; font-size: 18pt;">"Ok Dad, I have my head in the toilet bowl what do I do next?"</span></b><span lang="EN-ZA" style="font-family: "Tahoma", "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span lang="EN-ZA" style="color: blue; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span lang="EN-ZA" style="font-family: "Tahoma", "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><b><span lang="EN-ZA" style="color: green; font-family: "Bookman Old Style", "serif"; font-size: 18pt;">"DROWN YOURSELF YOU BLOODY IDIOT! "</span></b><span lang="EN-ZA" style="font-family: "Tahoma", "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;"> </span></div>Khalied Saliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01162722050150882281noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5279740946519137315.post-6761614682801700792010-12-10T16:44:00.001+02:002010-12-10T16:44:29.600+02:00AlcoholicIn an alcohol factory the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.<br />
<br />
A drunkard with ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position. <br />
<br />
The director of the factory wondered how to send him away. <br />
<br />
They tested him.<br />
<br />
They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said,<br />
"It's red wine, a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers."<br />
"That's correct", said the boss.<br />
<br />
Another glass. <br />
"It's red wine, cabernet, eight years old, a southwestern slope, oak barrels."<br />
"Correct."<br />
<br />
The director was astonished. <br />
He winked at his secretary to suggest something.<br />
<br />
She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.<br />
<br />
"It's a blonde, 26 years old, pregnant in the third month. <br />
And if you don't give me the job, I'll tell who the father is!"Khalied Saliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01162722050150882281noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5279740946519137315.post-24618694100913127202010-12-09T20:13:00.003+02:002010-12-09T20:13:42.840+02:00Conspiracy Theories Right Here In Our Own Country!<pre><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=9647"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper. Groceries are heavier.</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></span></pre><pre><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=9647"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></span></pre><pre><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=9647"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></span></pre><pre><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></pre><pre><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=9647"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones.</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></span></pre><pre><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=9647"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></span></pre><pre><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=9647"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></span></pre><pre><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=9647"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">They’re red in the face! What do they think I am a lip reader?</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></span></pre><pre><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></pre><pre><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=9647"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></span></pre><pre><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=9647"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></span></pre><pre><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=9647"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></span></pre><pre><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=9647"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Recognize me.</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></span></pre><pre><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></pre><pre><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=9647"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></span></pre><pre><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=9647"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection. Well, REALLY NOW</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></span></pre><pre><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=9647"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">- Even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></span></pre><pre><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></pre><pre><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=9647"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You're risking life and</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></span></pre><pre><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=9647"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Limb if you happen to pull onto the motorway in front of them. All I can</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></span></pre><pre><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=9647"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></span></pre><pre><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=9647"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">And swerve in my rear view mirror.</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></span></pre><pre><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></pre><pre><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=9647"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></span></pre><pre><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=9647"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></span></pre><pre><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=9647"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">No one notices? The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></span></pre><pre><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=9647"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Prank. Do they think I actually 'believe' the number I see on that dial?</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></span></pre><pre><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=9647"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></span></pre><pre><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=9647"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Think they're fooling?</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></span></pre><pre><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></pre><pre><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=9647"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></span></pre><pre><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=9647"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">The telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></span></pre><pre><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=9647"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></span></pre><pre><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=9647"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">There!</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></span></pre><pre><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></pre><pre><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=9647"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></span></pre><pre><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Verdana", "sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=9647"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">These awful indignities.</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span></span></span></pre>Khalied Saliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01162722050150882281noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5279740946519137315.post-2412916550527689422010-12-09T09:04:00.000+02:002010-12-09T09:04:02.068+02:00URGENT Warning - Pet Owners<div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-size: 14pt;">An urgent note from SPCA. Please pass onto your friends and family who may have pets.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><b>Please share this with all the pet owners you know and ask them to do the same.</b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><b>This information will only take a few minutes to share might prevent the senseless death of other pets.</b></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMA3TRh2VKFoQsCSM5t1rW-uwMet9McV4lDgBj75GSf-Sx2Yo6VEPj00vSHGxll1cw3RmfCwrgtVJ5AFRCHOIETnuyu-964j12FkJiBeFFrzsgl-Z3cNAhs9i-c6ml9OozO2TuEEdyfPTe/s1600/untitled3.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMA3TRh2VKFoQsCSM5t1rW-uwMet9McV4lDgBj75GSf-Sx2Yo6VEPj00vSHGxll1cw3RmfCwrgtVJ5AFRCHOIETnuyu-964j12FkJiBeFFrzsgl-Z3cNAhs9i-c6ml9OozO2TuEEdyfPTe/s320/untitled3.bmp" width="239" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><strong>Please tell every dog or cat owner you know. Even if you don't have a pet, please pass this to those who do. Cocoa Mulch, sold by garden supply stores contains a lethal ingredient called 'Theobromine'.</strong></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><b>It is lethal to dogs and cats. It smells like chocolate and it really attracts dogs. They will ingest this stuff and die. Although the MULCH ha<span style="color: black;">s</span> NO warnings printed on the label, upon further investigation on the company's web site, this product is HIGHLY toxic to dogs and cats.</b></div>Khalied Saliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01162722050150882281noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5279740946519137315.post-67609088285274227492010-12-07T10:02:00.000+02:002010-12-07T10:02:31.395+02:00Letter To Santa<span style="color: black; font-size: 24pt;">Dear Santa, <br />
Please send me a baby brother</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;">. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtKoszg17YsAIcmLiq3TJailOlb5908WPI1bx1fK9cuoD5K8dMB7zo2Ajhy_tv-_sKJuNSHtzvxC0GWAq3kgZDnFtHzPmZYmdVIW02j1r_X2NGH5JHh9v83cbJZDjlRBVoawEtm2bTbEKl/s1600/untitled2.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ox="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtKoszg17YsAIcmLiq3TJailOlb5908WPI1bx1fK9cuoD5K8dMB7zo2Ajhy_tv-_sKJuNSHtzvxC0GWAq3kgZDnFtHzPmZYmdVIW02j1r_X2NGH5JHh9v83cbJZDjlRBVoawEtm2bTbEKl/s1600/untitled2.bmp" /></a></div><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-size: 24pt;">Santa wrote back: </span><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 12pt;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 24pt;">"Send me your mother..."</span></div>Khalied Saliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01162722050150882281noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5279740946519137315.post-42996974945196455002010-12-06T07:47:00.002+02:002010-12-06T07:47:53.756+02:00Escaped Convict<div class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="color: purple; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span style="color: purple; font-size: 18pt; font-weight: bold;">A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years.</span></span></b><span style="color: purple; font-size: large;"><span style="color: purple; font-size: 18pt;"> He breaks</span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"> </span></span><span style="color: purple; font-size: large;"><span style="color: purple; font-size: 18pt;">into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair.</span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: purple; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span style="color: purple; font-size: 18pt;">While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.</span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"> </span></span><span style="color: purple; font-size: large;"><span style="color: purple; font-size: 18pt;">While he's in there, the husband whispers to his wife, "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict - look at his clothes! </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: purple; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span style="color: purple; font-size: 18pt;">He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: purple; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"><span style="color: purple; font-size: 18pt;">If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."</span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"> </span></span><span style="color: purple; font-size: large;"><span style="color: purple; font-size: 18pt;">To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you, too."</span></span></div>Khalied Saliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01162722050150882281noreply@blogger.com0